Send Me To Sleep
by The Fallen Dark Angel
Summary: Everyone knew he wasnt coming back, she did too, she just couldnt accept it. Until now...  Songfic. song: Asleep by Yoav & Emily Browning from the Sucker Punch OST. Contains suicide and mention of cutting


**I started writing this as Sora coming back in the end but then I heard a song which probably shows what I think Kairi may've felt when Sora promised and didn't come back. I know it's a little different from my usual style, I'm normally all about happy so don't have a go if it's really rubbish.**

**So I read a story like this once, where Kairi was sad that Sora never came back and never got over it. Mine takes place as if Sora died, or couldn't get from the Realm Of Darkness or whatever. Just think of it as he wants to come back but he can't.**

**I got the idea while listening to the song. I don't know why but I got flashes while listening to the song like when I listen to 'Welcome To The Black Parade' (My Chemical Romance) and see Final Fantasy 7 + Kingdom Hearts characters on a big float singing to it... 0.o ok so enough about me, tell me what you think of this!**

**The song is Asleep off the Sucker Punch OST.**

Kairi sat watching the waves. They rolled in slowly but at the same time all too fast. They moved in a rhythm as she stood and watched the ever moving clouds roll around in the sky. The birds chirped as they hid in the leaves of the Paopu tree snacking on the fruit unbeknownst about it magical properties. Kairi stood alone on the beach; nobody stood with her anymore.

Tidus and Wakka were on the island today, they were play-fighting on the south beach while Kairi stood on the east. She always stood on this beach. Everyone knew to keep their distance from the lonely solitary girl. She liked to be alone on her beach waiting for _him. _It had been a three years, everyone else knew _he_ wasn't coming back... she was the only one who still waited.

Selphie was watching the boys. She did as always, she sat on the sand cheering them on as they fought on the hot beach. She was happy to stay away from her once best friend too, she knew Kairi was different now that she knew Sora want coming back, even if she didn't believe it.

_**Sing me to sleep  
>Sing me to sleep<br>I'm tired and I  
>I want to go to bed<strong>_

Kairi closed her eyes slowly blinking out the sand that flew into them. Her hair flew all around her and covered her vision but she didn't blink once. She didn't flinch at the wind, she didn't move. Her long blinks and the huge black circles under her eyes were the things that kept everyone away.

She was a shell of the person she once was.

_**Sing me to sleep  
>Sing me to sleep<br>And then leave me alone**_

It turned dark as Kairi stood there. The birds had flown to their nests above the tree house and Tidus and Wakka had left the island with Selphie in their little boats careful to pick their way past Kairi as she stood in the sand. She was too fixed on the sea to notice them, almost as if she was asleep on her feet with her eyes wide open. It was always like that, she never moved her eyes from the sea where she saw the little glass bottle with her note sink. The same place her hopes had sunk and flailed trying to stay afloat in her brain.

It had drove her to the edge in the end.

Three hours to midnight Kairi would always climb into her boat and row home emotionlessly. She stayed silent with only herself to talk to. Her eyes fixed at the beach she stood on for the days she waited. She always stood in the same place. The people around her wondered if there were her footprints embedded in the sand from all the time she spent on that spot. But nobody asked, nobody checked.

Her mother worried about Kairi. A few months ago she had been normal: she would walk with Selphie to school and walk with her and Wakka and Tidus back home to do their homework together. These days Kairi only went to school when forced out of the house and never did her homework or went out with her friends. Selphie never came over, Wakka and Tidus never walked home with her when she _did _go to school and Kairi spent all her day on the island.

Time passed slowly for her but her mother was all too aware that she was letting life pass her by. It had been years since the time Kairi claimed the world had been lost to darkness and she had been taken, everyone knew she wasn't telling them facts, just a dream of hers.

Kairi was always home late and each day she looked the same: tired, broken and lost. She always went straight to her room and never came out again until 9 the next morning.

_**Don't try to wake me in the morning  
>'Cause I will be gone<strong>_

Kairi cried in her sleep silently. Tears fell from her eyes as she dreamt of falling into the blackness. She dreamt of him never coming back after she remembered him only last month after forgetting for so long. She couldn't remember when she forgot but she felt bad for doing it anyway. She always cried at night; her mother just shut the door so she couldn't hear.

She knew Kairi didn't like the sympathy.

_**Don't feel bad for me  
>I want you to know<br>Deep in the cell of my heart  
>I will feel so glad to go<strong>_

Kairi felt her heart letting go at the thought of staying asleep, dying in her sleep. She thought of the eternal peace and not having to get up in the morning. Of not having to wait to see if today would be the day she knew would never come.

The small old now-silver lines on Kairi's wrists throbbed at the thought of eternal sleep. No pain, no heartache, no disappointment. No... Nothing. Her hand closed into a fist over her heart as she thought of the possibility of nothing. She would still need to wait for him, but she would feel time move faster if she was not here, endlessly moving back and forth like the waves. She was always trying to please. She tried so hard to please everyone: her mother by getting up, her friends by trying to be strong, her teachers by doing her homework, him... by staying alive.

She wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

_**Sing me to sleep  
>Sing me to sleep<br>I don't want to wake up  
>On my own anymore<strong>_

Kairi was decided. She needed to see him, but he wasn't there and everyone wanted her to move on because of it. She was alone, nobody went near her. Kairi was known as 'the one who stands on the beach' at school when they talked about her. A conversation would go something like:

_Hey is that that girl from the beach?_

_Yeah, the one who stands on the beach._

_Do you know her name?_

_No, nobody does. Why don't you ask her?_

_Nah, I was just curious if you knew... let's go._

Thats all they ever said. She was never Kairi anymore, not even Tidus, Wakka or Selphie said hi when she walked past, she used to be popular but now she was a nobody, ironic that that was what Sora was fighting with to get back to the shell of his friend.

The shell that now sat up panting in bed after her nightmare about her home, Radiant Garden, where in her dream she had been murdered with a knife. She had watched from above as the life drained from her body forming a copper smelling red river on the floor. The thought didn't scare Kairi as much as the nightmare had.

When her breathing calmed Kairi lay down. She needed to get away from this world, this existence...

_**Sing to me  
>Sing to me<br>I don't want to wake up  
>On my own anymore<strong>_

Kairi stared at the ceiling above her. The darkness made it hard to see but in the blackened corners of her vision Kairi saw sleep hovering in her brain. She thought about the possibility of killing herself, the thought bought on a round of pictures in her mind of a lifeless body, her crying mother, indifferent friends. _He_ wouldn't even know if she was gone, _he _wasn't coming back to her any time soon.

Kairi blinked slowly looking around her room still lying down. She looked to her wrists littered with little scars from her carelessness. Or that's what she told herself. She would never admit –even to herself- that she enjoyed watching the red liquid flow from her cuts. She liked to see its patterns and sometimes taste it as it ran down her skin.

The scars remained from those moments, she didn't bother to cover them up. Her mother had seen them and had worried about them. But in the end she managed to calm her mind by brushing it off as a faze. After all, which mother wants to believe their child enjoys the morbid pleasure of watching plod pour from an open wound?

Kairi thought to the blade in the bathroom in the medicine cabinet, she was only trying to feel how sharp the blades were with her fingers. she had... slipped.

She thought to the other things in the medicine cabinet...

_**Don't feel bad for me  
>I want you to know<br>Deep in the cell of my heart  
>I really want to go<strong>_

Kairi sat up in bed. T_hat's it!_ She thought shakily as she pulled herself out of the bed. She stumbled at first while her wrists throbbed in acceptance to the idea, almost as if the scars were egging her on. Telling her to do what she was about to do.

Kairi staggered out of the vicinity of her bed and made her way to her bathroom. She walked ony a few steps but the trek seemed longer, like a marathon, like a journey. She wasn't scared but she shook.

Her mother sat downstairs. She heard nothing from Kairi's room. The mother looked to the stairs alarmed by the worry that had entered her brain so suddenly. The worry instantly led her to believe Kairi was hurt but as suddenly as the worry came, it disappeared into nothing. With a shrug the older woman turned back to the magazine she was reading at that moment. If Kairi was hurt, she would hear her cries.

_**There is another world  
>There is a better world<br>Well, there must be  
>Well, there must be<strong>_

A shaking hand pulled the pills out of the cabinet, _they would be enough._ Kairi thought as she poured some out onto her hand. She grabbed some water and calmed her shaking hands as she made her way back to her room with the pills and the water.

She wasn't nervous. She knew what she was going to do was what she wanted, what she needed.

Kairi pressed a small pill to her lips smiling before opening her mouth and popping it in. She pressed one after another into her mouth until the water was empty and she had taken half of a bottle of antibiotics her mother had gotten after being in a car crash. She had taken them for her own needs a few months ago but with good intentions. She didn't realise this is what would happen to them in the end...

_**There is another world  
>There is a better world<strong>_

Kairi looked on with a small smile on her lips as she lay back onto her bed. Her eyes closed for the last time before her breathing grew shallower and her lips drooped from their ever present smile. She was in a deep sleep she would never wake up from. One she was happy to find.

Her mother entered her room at eleven the next morning. She was determined to get Kairi to go to school today in her 'once a week at least' policy she had told Kairi about one morning. She walked into her daughter's room to find a pale porcelain doll lying along the bed.

As cold as ice, still and unmoving like death itself and silent as the grave. The cracked whisper was the only sound heard over the crying. A mother's grief is the only sound heard.

A hand was placed on the cold cheek that once belonged to the lively young girl. Her mother closed her eyes. Her daughter had lost her soul first, then her heart, now herself. But Kairi looked happy, even in death. A small smile was on her lips and her eyes closed. From a distance she looked asleep to anyone who saw her.

But a mother knew better than to just say she was asleep. Her mother knew she would miss her.

Kairi smiled to herself in her new world. Everything was white, even her clothes and she moved forward. Her feet didn't hurt and her heart fluttered peacefully as she accepted fully where she was, where she would stay and wait forever.

**So... how was it? Tell me what you think please. Tell me if it was bad or anything, I wanna know.**


End file.
